What to Say in a Custom Wedding Song (And What to Leave Out)

You've decided to get a custom song for a wedding. Great choice. The hard part is now staring at a blank text field and trying to summarize two people's entire love story in a paragraph.

Don't try to say everything. That's the first thing to know.

The secret to a great custom song brief

The best song briefs aren't comprehensive. They're specific.

There's a reason that "they're so in love and perfect for each other" produces mediocre songs, while "she still laughs at all his jokes even though she's heard them a hundred times, especially the one about the dentist" produces the kind that make wedding guests cry.

General feelings are invisible in songs. Specific details are not.

What to include

One story, told clearly. Pick the single moment or image that best represents what you love about them as a couple. The first time they met. The way he looks at her when she doesn't know he's looking. The trip they took when they almost broke up and didn't. One story, done well, beats five stories done quickly.

The quirks that only insiders know. Her habit of narrating her own life in third person when she's stressed. The way they argue about directions but always end up finding something better than the original destination. These are the details that make a room go oh my god, that's exactly them.

The through-line. What's the deepest truth about their relationship? Not "they love each other" — every couple loves each other. What specifically is true about this love? That she makes him brave? That he makes her feel like home? That together they're funnier and kinder and more themselves than they are apart?

A few sensory anchors. Songs live in sounds and images, not abstractions. The cabin where they got engaged. The song that was playing. The color of the kitchen where they cook together every Sunday. Give the musician something to paint with.

What to leave out

The biography. Where they met, went to school, how long they've been together — this is background, not a song. Include it as context for the musician, not as content for the lyrics.

The list of traits. "She is kind, funny, adventurous, generous, smart, and beautiful." Every person described in every love song is kind and funny and smart. This tells the musician nothing.

Too many people. If you're getting the song for the couple, it's about the couple. Resist the urge to include every important relationship in their lives. You can acknowledge others, but the song needs a center.

Inside jokes without context. Inside jokes work in songs when you explain the joke. "They have this thing about avocados" means nothing. "He drove an hour to bring her avocado toast after her worst week at work, and now avocados are just their thing" is a song lyric.

A template that works

Here's a framework that tends to produce great results:

[Name] and [Name] met [one-sentence context]. What I love most about them together is [one specific observation]. The moment that captures their relationship best is [specific story or image]. The thing about [name] that [name] would want the world to know is [specific detail or quality]. What I most want this song to say is [core truth about their love].

Fill that out honestly, and a talented musician will do the rest.

The goal

The best wedding songs make the couple feel that someone truly saw them — not as a generic couple in love, but as exactly these two specific people, with their specific history and private language and particular way of being together.

That's what you're trying to give them. Not a song about love. A song about their love.

It's a surprisingly small target. And when you hit it, there's nothing quite like it.